Noobs / n00bs and newbies / newbs explanation

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Noobs / n00bs and newbies / newbs explanation

Post by H3katonkheir on 31/1/2011, 20:47

Credits to TeBBuTT, whose article this is adapted from.
"Some article inspiration shamelessly lifted from UrbanDictionary"


What is this
This guide is designed to give you a better understanding of what a noob is, how to recognize them, some details about them, and how to avoid or get rid of them. It mostly applies to online forums (such as this TTW forum), which seem to be the main targets of migrating noobs.

Defining 'Noob'
Contrary to popular belief, a noob/n00b and a newbie/newb are not the same thing. Newbs are those who are new to some task* and are very beginner at it, possibly a little overconfident about it, but they are willing to learn and fix their errors to move out of that stage. n00bs, on the other hand, know little and have no will to learn any more. They expect people to do the work for them and then expect to get praised about it, and make up a unique species of their own. It is the latter we will study in this guide so that the reader is prepared to encounter them in the wild if needed.
* Usually the topic at hand on an internet forum.

Common Noob Characteristics

Often, but not always, noobs will attempt to communicate in their own primitive language, known as "n00bish." It is a variant of the hacker language that exposes them as having little intelligence or will to learn. Here is an example of some noobish. Do not attempt to comprehend it as it cannot be discerned without professionals at hand.

stFU /../, i r teh r0xx0rz liek emin3m, u cna go tO EHLL OR ATLE4St help m3 wit hthIS!!111!!!!!!!1~~1!!``!! LOLLOLOLLOLOLlOoLLOlollLLl u n00b

Although you may find this unbelievably funny and / or annoying, it is best to restrain yourself and keep from talking back to them, as they are very territorial and easily angered. This will result in their attempted verbal abuse of you, possibly backed up by other noobs, because they work in packs when doing offensive tasks. It is not an easy task to learn this language because our intelligent accent will keep it from sounding quite right when spoken. You can however, write some simple noobish of your own, by slamming your face into your keyboard repeatedly.

Where to find n00bs
On the internet, n00bs make their colonies on forums. They migrate in waves, usually on weekends, and proceed to clog up bandwidth with stupid questions and sometimes even stupid answers. If you happen to be unfortunate enough to be on a board large enough to attract migrating noobs, there will hopefully be members of authority in charge who are smart enough to take extermination measures before they can make nests and larger colonies. The good ol' BAN HAMMER is one form of authority commonly used.

Larger colonies of n00bs can result in the mutation of some into spammers. Not commercial spammers, but pointless spammers. A noob can become one of these at any point, but the larger the amount of noobs, the greater the chance that pointless spammers will appear.

Off the internet (in real life), noobs appear anywhere where the focus is on learning or discussing something specific.

Behavior of noobs
Since noobs are basically ignorant bastards, they have a lot in common. The most often seen characteristic is their fluency in noobish. They will also be very self confident as if they were the absolute best at what they are in fact the worst at. Also, they are quite aggressive and self-centered, and tend to laugh a lot using many L's and O's in rapid succession (the noobish word for laughing like an ultimate retard).

It is their instinct to assemble in packs for defence, and they often attempt to organize packs that they call teams. Unfortunately for them, teams usually result in a total loss of communication and they can often begin to fight amongst each other. These teams are quite unlike those formed by non-noobs.

Noobs have difficulty reading English and cannot comprehend the idea of authority, and the respect it deserves.

Therefore, they have an all-out disregard for rules, basic or not. A good way to identify a noob (bad) vs. a newb (good) is if you have the authority (e.g. TTW Admin) to tell them which forum rule they are unknowingly breaking. If they respond with an apology and fix it, or allow it to be fixed without raising an issue, they are probably not a noob. If they react by insulting everything and everyone around them in rapid noobish and causing general mayhem, it is because they are a noob and have had a small seizure due to their inability to understand what is happening.

More about noob habitats
Noobs often attempt to maintain their own web pages. Some common features of these lairs are a terrible lack of content, embedding background music, adding lots of pointless animated gifs, and pages that say some variation of 'tHEir isnothinG H34r yEtt LOLLOLOL!111!1!!~~~!!`! 13371337', which means 'Nothing here yet' in noobish.

They will also have large, seemingly infinite marquees of 88x31 px affiliate buttons replaced with red X's scattered here and there (fail web skills), and possibly a hit counter showing a number less than 100. These habitats are numerous but fairly easy to avoid because only noobs link to them. So if you can identify a noob, don't go to its homepage. Simple as that.

Avoiding Noobs

Make sure you aren't one
Note: This section is bilingual so even noobs can make the discovery if they haven't already.

English (T4lk):
Read the above parts of this guide carefully. If you find yourself unable to comprehend any of it but are instead beginning to think about how great you are and how awesome 'teh 1337' is, you might want to take one of the many available online quizzes to check your noobancy.

Noobish (133713371337):
Liek, u gott4 re3D teh gudieCAREFUl1y and tehn OMG LIEK I AM R0XX0RZ ya anD ify 0u turn into teh reTARDED u gota go 2 MY WEBP4GE LOLLOLOL!!111~11 ad check 4 warez n stfuu. if u r a n00b go2HELL LOLLOLOlROFLMFAO11!!!11!!!! a/s/l pos gtg n00b suxx0rz ur b0xx0rz OLOOOLOLLLL HELP HELP HELP 1337133713371337

Major noob avoiding strategies
The main factor in attracting migrating herds of noobs is a large, active forum. If you find one of these, look to see if it has decent management in order to avoid noob infestation. If not, look for a small or mid-sized forum that covers the same topic so you can enjoy your time there before the noobs find it. If you are part of the forum authority however, take full advantage of it and establish extermination policies so that normal people can have a nice time without noob infestations.

Noob Talk: LAlWAlwalwalWAWLAWLAWA!~!~!~!!!11!!! 1M NOtttt N0000BZ



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Re: Noobs / n00bs and newbies / newbs explanation

Post by stevenjm on 15/2/2011, 11:28

bwhahahahha brilliant!

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Re: Noobs / n00bs and newbies / newbs explanation

Post by }{odge-Podge on 16/2/2011, 14:53

It is quite funny Tongue have a lot of those types of people at school xD stupid n00bs Tongue

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Re: Noobs / n00bs and newbies / newbs explanation

Post by russoka on 27/2/2011, 08:48

Good job. Excited

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Re: Noobs / n00bs and newbies / newbs explanation

Post by Guest on 7/3/2011, 15:13

Heh! Glad we got that out of the way...

What do you call those players who even after years never got out of the n00b phase? Those players who like living in that phase 'cause it requires no mental challenge moving out of?


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Re: Noobs / n00bs and newbies / newbs explanation

Post by vAnKaTa_G.G. on 7/3/2011, 20:50

Trolls I guess Excited.
1) If you don't want to potentially learn how to play a game -> n00b
2) Statement 1) + starting 1337 speak = long time n00b
After a while...
Starting to make contact with other people + statement 2 = trollin' o_O

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Re: Noobs / n00bs and newbies / newbs explanation

Post by Sympathic on 10/11/2013, 05:24

Guest wrote:Heh! Glad we got that out of the way...

What do you call those players who even after years never got out of the n00b phase? Those players who like living in that phase 'cause it requires no mental challenge moving out of?
They are still called noobs. Also there is a difference between a "newb" and a "noob". A newb is someone new to a game or map and therefore maximum a medium player. A noob is someone who plays for years, but never gets any better. Though this was already pointed out in the article.

@H3katonkheir: Hahaha thanks, nicely written, I laughed a lot Laugh

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